From Yahoo Answers:

From Yahoo Answers:

Q: Are you idiots really so stupid that you don't know the difference between "muslim" and "terrorist"?

Best A.

There are people who have the mental ability of a trained monkey.

Plus, I seriously think they believe all Muslims are born genetically Muslims and have the genetic markup of strapping explosive to themselves and blowing up the neighborhood.

Shazia Mirza

Jokes by Shazia Mirza (From Wikipedia)

• "Good evening, I'm Shazia Mirza. At least, that's what it says on my pilot's licence." (October 2001)

• "Yes, 37 degrees in Mumbai! No not the temperature, that's the degree the plane landed at! I mean, the Americans applaud for any landing, but really, these people should applaud and be thanking their God because they managed to survive!"

• "My mother always tells me to fly Pakistan International Airlines or Emirates Airline because she says "they're never going to blow up their own!"

• "I went over to America... no, not to blow things up"

Are these jokes???

(Warning: if you are a devout muslim I would suggest you not to read them. These are very hateful and projects wrong ideas about our society)

I don't know if these are jokes. But these represent the shocking outlook of the western rightists about Islam, Muslims and Arabs. It just makes me wonder that why people who has such hateful outlook and narrowmindedness call muslims aggressive and has terrorism and islam synonymous?

(Jokes)

Q: What's the difference between a Muslim and a dead horse?
A. It's no fun beating a dead horse.

What does Tehran have in common with Hiroshima?

Nothing yet.

New York 2031
A father and his son are walking the Manhattan streets when the father stops at a vacant lot takes a deep breath and tells his son: “To think that at one time here on this very lot stood the Twin Towers.”
The son looks at his father and asked: “Dad, what are the Twin Towers?”
Father says: “My dear son, the Twin Towers were two tremendously tall buildings with lots of offices that were the heart of the United States, but approx 30 years ago, several Arabs destroyed the buildings.”
The boy thinks for a minute and then asks his father: “Daddy, what are Arabs?”

Q: What do you do when you see 100 dead Arabs?
A: Laugh and reload!

15 skinheads chase a Muslim into a shop and proceed to kick 7 flavors of shi’ite out of him. Eventually, the police arrive and arrest everyone.
One of the cops walks over to the assistant and asks if he saw it all happen.
When the clerk replies “yes”, the cop asks why he didn’t help out.
“I thought 15 was enough,” came the reply.

Negative Jokes

It's hard to get any negative jokes as most of them are too offensive and ethnocentrically projected, and many of them project false ideas about muslims. Nevertheless, I'll try to collect some from the internet.



Did you hear about the Muslim strip club?
It features full facial nudity!

Knock, Knock
Who's There
A Muslim
A Muslim Who?
A Muslim My society is corrupt down to it's core and I am paying for it with the blood of my people.

A joke from Hadith

Alright, I have no clue about the references. Our Imam told me when I was young, so if it is wrong my Allah forgive me. (Personally I believe that it is little bit racist, so am confused about its validity)

Once a Black person came to Prophet Mohammed (PBUH). Seeing the person, the Prophet said, "No black person will ever enter the Heaven". Hearing this, the black person was terribly upset. Afterwards the prophet said that "No black person would enter Heaven. They would enter as most handsome persons to heaven."

Rules for Joking in Islam

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not laugh too much, for laughing too much deadens the heart.” (Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7312)

‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “Whoever laughs too much or jokes too much loses respect, and whoever persists in doing something will be known for it.”

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If you knew what I know, you would laugh little and weep much.” In Fath al-Baari it says: “What is meant by knowledge here has to do with the might of Allaah and His vengeance upon those who disobey Him, and the terrors that occur at death, in the grave and on the Day of Resurrection).

Obtained from http://www.islamisforyou.com

Jokes Collection 1

#1#

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

#2#

Here is the story of an Imam who got up after Friday prayers and announced to the people:

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."


#3#

An Imam shocked his community when he announced that he was resigning from that particular Masjid and moving to a drier climate. After the session, a very distraught lady came to the Imam with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Imam, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kind hearted Imam said "Now, now, sister, don't carry on. The Imam who takes my place might be even better than me".

"Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "That's what they said the last time too . . . "


#4#

Nasruddin was determined to be decisive and efficient. One day he told his wife he would plow his largest field on the far side of the river and be back for a big dinner. She urged him to say, "If Allah is willing."

He told her whether Allah was willing or not, that was his plan. The frightened wife looked up to Allah and asked forgiveness.

Nasruddin loaded his wooden plow, hitched up the oxen to the wagon, climbed on his donkey, and set off.

But within the short span of a day the river flooded from a cloudburst and washed his donkey downstream, and one of the oxen broke a leg in the mud, leaving Nasruddin to hitch himself in its place to plow the field.

Having finished only half the field, at the sunset he set out for home exhausted and soaking wet. The river was still high so he had to wait until long past dark to cross over.

After midnight a very wet but much wiser Nasruddin knocked at his door. Who is there Asked his wife.

I think it is me, Nasruddin, he replied, if Allah is willing!


#5#

Once, the people of the city invited Mulla Nasruddin to deliver a speech. When he got on the minbar (pulpit), he found the audience was not very enthusiastic, so he asked "Do you know what I am going to say?" The audience replied "NO", so he announced "I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about" and he left. The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time when he asked the same question, the people replied "YES" So Mullah Nasruddin said, "Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time" and he left. Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mullah to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question - "Do you know what I am going to say?" Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "YES" while the other half replied "NO". So Mullah Nasruddin said "The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half" and he left!

#6#

An old woman came to the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) that I will enter Paradise." He said jokingly, "O Mother of So-and-so, no old women will enter Paradise." The old woman went away crying, so the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, "Tell her that she will not enter Paradise as an old woman, for Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) says: (We have created [their Companions] of special creation, and made them virgin-pure [and undefiled]) (Qur'an 56:35-36)." Reported by al-Tirmidhi, it is hasan because of the existence of corroborating reports.

#7#

"When I was in the desert," said Nasruddin one day, "I caused an entire tribe of horrible and bloodthirsty bedouins to run."

"However did you do it?" asked a person.

"Easy. I just ran, and they ran after me."

#8#

An Imam was selling his horse in the market. An interested buyer came to him and requested if he could get a test drive. The Imam told the man that this horse is unique. In order to make it walk, you have to say Subhanallah. To make it run, you have to say Alhamdulillah and to make it stop, you have to say Allahu Akbar. The man sat on the horse and said Subhanallah. The horse started to walk. Then he said Alhamdulillah and it started to run. He kept saying Alhamdulillah and the horse started running faster and faster. All of a sudden the man noticed that the horse is running towards the edge of the hill that he was riding on. Being overly fearful, he forgot how to stop the horse. He kept saying all these words out of confusion. When the horse was just near the edge, he remembered Allahu Akbar and said it out loud. The horse stopped just one step away from the edge. The man took a deep breath, looked up towards the sky and said Alhamdulillah!